im so tired

help me Lord

when its difficult to continue on living

i am a happy person.

until one day my world turn upside down.

i went into road of depression. the kind where everyday u wanted to end your life but you cant because you have a child who depends on you.

very sad and frustrating.

i am oblige to get up and think beyond my pain.

in this difficult time this are the things i do to cope up and tone down the demons inside my head

1. Cry

I cry until there is no more tears. the pain is there but as soon as there is no more tears, i raise and be functional again. I force myself to be functional.

2. Journaling

it helps. its helps to unload all the pain.

3. listening to my body

I feel my breathing, I feel what I touch, I feel what I eat. I focus on the moment.

4. Deactivate

unplugging my social media app helps me a lot.

5. HE IS DEAD

think of the person who cause you pain.. He is nonexisting anymore. the person you once loved is already dead. do not associate yourself with dead memory.

6. ENDURE

Just go on and hope that all things are not permanent. Our pain will end..

I basically prayed everyday for the pain to go away.

THe pain is still here but I needed to endure it.

There is no other way to survive but to go with the flow of life.

life is never fair.

we just have to endure the pain and hope that we can survive this season of darkness.

the best is yet to come.

the problem with follow your own happiness mentality

nowadays you see quote like

follow your happiness

leave that toxic person

find someone better

its okay to be selfishblah blah blah

and the list goes on.This generation have put too much emphasis on selfishness… I my self believe in all of this.until one day someone did this to me. like wtf…all i can say is fuck all the selfish people fuck you for not putting a good fight…if it happens to you that someone left you for selfishness believe me, he or she is not the one.real love will always stay even in toxicity and tribulations because real love is worth fighting for.